Welcome to Making Moves Monday

Speaker 1 0:06

Welcome.

Speaker 1 0:08

Welcome to Making Moves Monday on the Sweet Spot where science meets the soul. I'm Dr Derek Sweet and, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in sports psychiatry and high performance. Today, on Making Moves Monday, we're talking about the three biggest reasons people don't make the first move, whether it's speaking up in a meeting, starting a new business or even making the first move in a relationship. You ever been there in a class and teacher asks a question and no one wants to raise their hand. Nobody wants to be first. That's what I'm talking about today, and science has a lot to say about why we hesitate and even more to say about how we can break through that hesitation. And I'm going to break it down for you very quickly today in Making Moves Monday, because maybe you have a move to make and this could help you.

Speaker 1 1:15

So here are the three psychological reasons people don't make the first move. The first is fear of rejection, and this is from social psychology. We are wired for social belonging. Rejection just doesn't feel good to us. Rejection literally registers as pain to the human brain. Did you know that there are studies in social psychology that show that people avoid making the first move because they overestimate the likelihood of being rejected and they actually underestimate how positively others will respond. Keep in mind that you and I could be just literally overestimating the rejection because we just hate it so much. We're so afraid of the rejection that we literally overestimate it and, more than likely, people want you to succeed. I remember I think it was Michael Caine, who was an actor who said that when you go for an audition, the people who are auditioning you, they want you to succeed. But we come into the audition afraid, just so afraid that we're going to be rejected. So keep that in mind fear of rejection.

Speaker 1 2:33

Now, the solution is to reframe the rejection. So if you were in a counseling session with me, I'd be telling you hey, let's try a reframing exercise. Instead of seeing this as a personal failure, see it as a redirection, that every no is bringing you closer to your yes. And if you look at that no from that perspective, almost as if you were an insurance salesman I remember my dad God bless his soul when he was alive. He was an awesome insurance salesman and he mastered something he never let a no get in his way. A no was just bringing him closer to the yes. And that's how you reframe the fear of the rejection.

Speaker 1 3:24

And I'll just add a spiritual quote For those listeners who are into spirituality and the word. I'm going to take you to 2 Timothy, verse 1. For God has not given us a spirit of what Fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. You can stand on that too. Sometimes, when you're afraid that you're going to be rejected and you don't have a mental plan, but you're a spiritually minded person, stand on the word, tell yourself. In 2 Timothy 1.7, it says For God has not given us or me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. So that's my preaching for you this morning.

Speaker 1 4:15

The second reason, my friend, that folks do not do not want to make their first move is analysis, paralysis. And now this is from cognitive psychology, right. Too many options, too many what-ifs, too many what-if monsters. What if this happens? What if this goes wrong? What if that happens? And that begins to slow us down. We get deluged and we get stymied and we get stuck with the what-if monsters all around us, always asking what could go wrong. You know, cognitive psychology research shows that overthinking leads to inaction. It leads to being frozen in your seat. The more we analyze, the harder it becomes to decide, because our brain keeps generating more and more potential risks. Sometimes too many choices or too many options is the issue. So the solution is to shrink the decision.

Speaker 1 5:08

You know, I went for high tea the other day with my wife, and when we go for high tea now I didn't choose it, she did Just to be clear. I mean, I don't even know where the high tea place is, but when I go, I mean I'm enjoying it, and every time I go some of these places have like 25 different teas to choose from, and I could never figure it out. But this place we went to was amazing. They just had two choices. You had the black tea or and I think it was jasmine tea was the other choice and that was it. And it was so simple. I just chose the black tea and she chose the jasmine tea or whatever. That was that she chose and that was the end of it. But you know, if I had 25 different teas to choose from, I mean I don't know I might be missing out. Should I try this? Should I try? And it would have taken forever.

Speaker 1 5:54

The mind is kind of like that when we, when we feel afraid, and when we feel fear, we start to think of 15 different options, the, instead of focusing on the big picture, take one small step, take any action, make one choice in the direction. You'd be surprised how that one action destroys overthinking. Action is what destroys overthinking. All right, and I'll just add this there too, if you are stuck and you can't figure it out, remember this quote you don't have to see the whole staircase to climb the steps, you just have to take one step at a time. That's Dr Martin Luther King right. You just don't have to see the entire staircase, just take one step. And that, my friend, will get you out of this.

Defeating the Spotlight Effect

Speaker 1 6:46

Analysis paralysis. Let's look at the third reason. People don't make a move. Remember we said that the first reason was what? That people have a fear of rejection. The second reason was what? That they have analysis paralysis. Now, what is the third reason?

Speaker 1 7:01

Well, it's something called the spotlight effect, and this comes from behavioral science. We overestimate how much people notice us or are actually paying attention to us. Now, I'm not saying people ain't watching. Sometimes people are watching and they're looking. But the research in behavioral science says that the spotlight effect is that we think that everyone is watching us, judging us and just waiting for us to fail. And the reality is nobody's really that invested. Most people are just too busy with their own insecurities and their own issues and their own busyness to really, really care about what's happening in ours. So that's another fantasy. We have in our mind that the spotlight is always on us. Wherever we go to the right, the left, the spotlight is just on us. And that's not true all the time. Most of the time it's wrong.

Speaker 1 7:59

So how do you get past this spotlight effect? You have to develop what we call a. So what mentality? You know? So what people? They do well, they do really well, right?

Final Challenge and Call to Action

Speaker 1 8:13

You ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen here? So they don't like it, so it doesn't work. I'll move on. People are going to forget. They're not going to remember me, right? So you realize that the embarrassment is only temporary and the opportunity to do well is always there. So embarrassment is temporary, but opportunity is what's going to last. So you have to develop a thick skin. So what attitude? And let it brush off. Remember doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. So don't ever let yourself not make a move. Because of this, because the first move is always the hardest move, my friend, but hesitation, ultimately, is the killer, it's hesitation that's the enemy of your momentum. Today, I'm challenging you to take one step towards something you have been avoiding. It's time to speak up, it's time to step up or it's time to start up. I'm gonna say that again it's time to speak up, step up or start up, because this is Making Moves Monday and moves don't make themselves. The weight are not going to lift itself in the gym, the car is not going to drive itself to the mechanic, all right. So you've got to make that first move, all right now.

Speaker 1 9:35

Thank you so much for listening. This is Dr Sweet. I appreciate you hanging in here. We're making Moves Monday with me and I'll see you tomorrow. For what? Take Action Tuesday. We're making moves Monday with me and I'll see you tomorrow. For what? Take action Tuesday? We're going in this week, all right. If you want to talk to me, hit me up on YouTube, hit me up on LinkedIn or Instagram. I'm even on threads these days. Take care, be blessed and make your move, thank you.