Meet Darcell: The Action Catalyst

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Greetings and welcome. Welcome, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the sweet spot. I'm Dr. Derek Sweet. As you know, I'm a board-certified psychiatrist and I work with high performers, elite performers, but more than that, as you've known over the years, I have been at the coffee table with you in this journey, this thing we call life. Today we are continuing our series this week of interviewing cool people. I have no more, no cooler person, no one who's super cooler than Darcelle Dillard Sweet, my wife, who I'm interviewing all week long. And y'all, y'all gonna be really happy because you're gonna get the coaching that I get every single day. You know, to get the sweet spot out, today's Take Action Tuesday, sometimes I'm a little slow. And when I'm slow on a Take Action Tuesday, this is the person who gets me to take action. Welcome, Darcell.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Thank you for having me, Dr. Sweet. It is just so wonderful to be back. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Absolutely. We had a blast yesterday of Making Moods Monday. It was really cool to have you there. I was a little nervous. I didn't know exactly what to do, what to say. I uh normally I have my topic prepared and I'm going in and out, but something about just talking to you and hearing your wisdom, your ideas really made me feel so fulfilled. Thank you for that yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

You're most welcome. It was a great conversation, and I hope people got something out of it. So, what are we doing today?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Today's Take Action Tuesday. And sometimes when you say take action, it can sometimes feel as if, okay, what am I supposed to do? What action should I take? It doesn't really matter as long as you take an action, because action is great. You had a phrase that you told me in medical school when I used to sit and worry about things and be pouring over my studies, trying to get the perfect paper out, trying to make sure I fully understood this concept. You would look at me when I was procrastinating and you would say this phrase. Do you remember what it is?

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Oh, yes. I still say to myself and a lot of people in my circle. And here it comes, everybody. Done. Done is better than perfect. Just get it done.

Done Is Better Than Perfect

SPEAKER_00 2:29

100%. I had never heard that before. Done is better than perfect, because in my world, perfect has to be everything, everything has to be perfect before it can get done. And that's why so much doesn't get done, right? Because I'm just trying to be perfect all the time. And perfectionism is a way of avoiding action in many in many cases. You are such a take action person, Darcell. I mean, when I met you, you were already in college. You had taken all your, I remember you took all your classes on one day from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. at Barnard. You took all your classes on one day so that you could work full time. I think it was at CBS News at the time. And I was blown away by that. Talk about taking action. Could you tell me the origin story of how you became such a take action person? Well, I mean, as a little girl, were you already like taking action? How did this how did you get to be so take action oriented?

Origins Of A Take‑Action Mindset

SPEAKER_02 3:32

You know, I think everybody out there can appreciate influences in their life. And I was blessed with two parents who were movers and shakers. They weren't politicians, they weren't speakers in the community, but they were the senator and I would say congressman and woman of my household. And that was Bobby and Louise Dillard. There was not one day that I did not see them take action. And that take action was cooking in the kitchen, preparing all the meals, because there were eight of us. That's a lot to do for a mother, that's a lot to do for a wife. And then getting my father off to work every day. He had a construction company. So I really have to say it was modeled by my parents to do. And even getting it done and it not being perfect was part even of their mantra of making sure that if I didn't get the B, get the C. If I didn't get the A, get the B. But get something. You just don't get a freaking F. So I love that my parents gave me that buttress, that pillar of knowledge that basically allowed me to do and to perform. And they showed me that when you actually get things done during the day, you can rest at the end of the day. So it really came from my parents. And that story you told about CBS News, I wanted to work because I needed a job. And when I looked at the schedule and I spread my classes out, that meant not enough money coming in. And you and I were dating back there. Somebody had to pay for those dinners. We both didn't have a whole lot during our college days, so we had to be creative. So my way of being creative was if I stacked that class and get it all on Monday or Tuesday, whatever the day it was, that left me freedom to make money on the other day. So some of this take action means being organized, planning, and having, I think, the opportunity in life and using those opportunities. That just says a whole lot about not sitting still and doing nothing. What do you think, Dr. Sweetie?

Planning As The Engine Of Action

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Well, I love it. I definitely benefited from those dinners, by the way, and thank you for making all that money when we're an undergrad because you really did do a lot of work and it was really amazing. I must say I owe you. I still owe you for those years. And yeah, you know, I feel like it's really important what you just shared, your roots. Because we we learn, we we learned action or non-action from whatever's outside influencing us. And you were very lucky and blessed to have Louise and Bobby Dillard as as models and as mentors and as parents. I gotta tell you, I remember when I first met them, they were so intimidating to me. First of all, I remember when I went to Ohio and they were, they had, they were done, it was like I woke up at around, I don't know, it was 11 a.m. I had slept a little late, and they had already, I think dinner was already fixed for the evening. Your dad had already gone and done some construction in the morning at 5 a.m. They were back and they'd been to the grocery. I don't know if it was Kroger's or Pinkley Wiggly, they were named so I didn't even understand. And they were done with most of the chores and activities of the day by midday, and then they were on to other activities and planning the next day. So I definitely see where you got those roots. And there's something to be said about waking up early and taking action. I really grasp that, and certainly your parents, God rest their souls, Bobby and Louise, we love you. We know you're listening to us and uh shining down on us from heaven. But yeah, Darcell, I feel as if your roots and your origin story really is important because for those of who are parents out there, your kids are always looking. Young people are always looking, and and honestly, that's where they get trained. That's where we get trained as young people is to really see what the elders, what the caregivers, what the parents are doing. And so, yeah, your growth, I'm thankful to your parents because they blessed me with an amazing daughter who gets it done. And I know the people out there who know you know that you're a go-to solution-oriented woman. But let me ask you a question that I ask everybody, and this is something I do privately, but I always ask people, well, okay, so all right, when you don't want to take action, or has there been a time when you didn't take action and you regretted that you didn't take the action or that you wish you had? I can't imagine it for you because you're so action-oriented. But I wonder if if you had any moments where you hesitated or you didn't take action, and how did that work out for you?

When Not Acting Is Wise

One Action For Hard Days: Plan It

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Well, it goes back to what I talked about being organized. And I think when you look at the life responsibility of many people who are adulting out there, we have responsibilities. We have things that flow. At the beginning of the month, there's a rent due or a mortgage due. At the end of the month, there's this due or that due. So I'm going to liken some of the action that we take into the fiscal responsibility area, Dr. Sweet, because the truth is how we plan our finances and how we even manage those bills getting paid is an action step that if you miss a step, an avalanche of issues can come. And I say that because something as simple as missing a payment on something that you know you have the money for or you know you can pay. So I'm talking about intention and planning that actually are coming from resources, but you get a little sloppy and you forget to plan it. Now a month has passed and you didn't pay attention to it for a second month. So now here comes an issue. And this has happened to me in my younger years where I wasn't so organized. And you're trying to figure out well, wait a minute, how could I possibly have all these late payments on this particular car note? And then you look at the bill and realize that you've missed two payments. And it's not because, like I said, you didn't have the resources. In this case, this was just poor action planning or no action plan. Today's world, there's such a thing as automatic payments. You can set things up in motion. So, part of our adulting, when you talk about a time when I haven't taken action, I've made some mistakes by not being organized. And I've been bitten in the booty by a bill not getting paid, something really simple. And who wants to pay extra fees for something being late? It's already bad enough you have to pay them anyway. So, on top of that, your penalty is an extra$30 for being late or an extra$50 being late, or pending on what it is, you know, it could you could actually lose the opportunity. I I have some friends who unfortunately lost their homes or lost their apartments because of something drastic has happened. That's a different scenario, and that's different. That's life circumstances getting in the way. But even then, what's your action plan to dig yourself out of that hole? So, this adult thing is no joke. So, when you ask me about a time when I haven't taken action, you might have remembered some of those times when you're like, What do you mean you didn't pay the bill, Darcel? It's not like we didn't have the money in the bank. And I'm like, uh, oh well, uh, I didn't plan. I forgot. I have 15 other things to pay, and this was slipped through the freaking cracks. So it may sound small, but these are big milestones as you grow up. So, did I not put everything on automatic? And I learned this lesson very well during COVID, the pandemic. We had time on our hands. So I have to admit that it was that period of the world being shut down that my butt got major organized when it came to the bills, when it came to systems. I had all this time on my hands every day. So I put systems in place, and systems begat action. And that action gives you consequences, and those consequences gives you a higher credit score.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Wow, thank you so much for that. That was really good. One of the things you said that really stuck with me as you were speaking, Darcell, is planning. You said action planning. You said planning and action more than once in this answer that you just gave. And I just got present to the fact that it's an action plan, right? It's just not just action without a direction, it's action and planning. And I felt that that was a great message out there is that what's your plan, and then what's the action that goes with the plan? And that was just really brilliant. I just love the fact that you put it that way. I'm really grateful that you're just being so clear about that. Let me ask you another question. Is it is it wrong to think that if you don't take action, that that's bad? Is there ever a time when maybe not taking an action is a good thing? Or is it always about taking action in your world? Because you seem to be always about action.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

In my world, I had to learn the hard way. Silence is an action. Not responding to that button that somebody just pushed, that could, in today's age, get you put in jail. Yeah, get you pulled over, mouthing off can get you beaten up. I mean, there's just the volatility of our words have consequences. So an action of silence, meaning do nothing, say nothing, that could be a lifesaver. And another way to think about it is the not taking an action if you're sick, you don't feel well, don't push through and your fever's 101. Don't go sneeze and give 200 more people the possibility of these germs. Don't go. Take the Tylenol, get the tissues, get the chicken noodle soup, but stay home. So that is an action plan. The plan, the plan not to do it, not to do it, not to say it.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, yeah, no, that's brilliant. I mean, the idea of silence of not speaking, like that's okay, and to have that be an action, that silence and restraint in words could be an action on a take action Tuesday. So the action you could take on a Tuesday, if I'm listening to you carefully, is to say nothing when somebody triggers you or something pushes you. And that if you're sick, if you're not feeling well, that you don't necessarily have to take the action of pushing through, that you can rest, you can take a step back, you can uh, as you put it, not go infect other people. You know, I love your straightforwardness, Darcell. You are just everybody, you understand now what I live with. This is somebody who does not pull back or does not hold back, and I love you for that. It's amazing. So, Darcell, guess what? We are out of time here on Take Action Tuesday. But is there a message about taking action for the person out there who might be feeling down today, might be feeling, I don't know, under the weather? I know you just said stay home, don't go, but maybe they're just maybe they're not necessarily sick, but they're just feeling down. They're not feeling as energetic, things aren't working out. They've had a disappointment. What is the what yeah, let's just characterize it as somebody's had a great big disappointment, something is not working out. It could be uh an illness, it could be a relationship, it could be finances. What is the one action that you think they could take today if you could tell them? What would you say?

SPEAKER_02 15:54

We talked about it a little bit before, and it's plan it. Just plan it. Step back, try to make a plan that gets you into a different trajectory that might actually change the situation or issue or the circumstance. Just pull back and plan it. That plan may look really different, it may even look grim, it may even look scary. But I think for the person listening who's really having some difficulty with the taking the action, the action they can take is to make a better plan. Make a different plan, make a new plan. I have a good friend, her name is Colleen, and if she's listening, she'll know I'm talking about her today. She does vision boards every year, and I'm actually considering doing a vision board. So sometimes in that vision board, you're looking at the big picture. You haven't gotten there yet, but there's a board that says, I may do this, I have a dream to do that. This seems reachable, this seems possible. On her vision board is a saying that you and I say every day something wonderful is going to happen, something amazing is going to happen. So maybe in the planet phase, even of visioning something different, just see it in your mind. And that's the first place that a plan can start. Just see it in your mind, and then the outcome eventually will show up on outside as an action that you can take. But in the first steps, plan it, see it in your mind. And sometimes that means being still so that you can actually get there.

Science, Soul, Success And Wrap

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Wow. What a take action Tuesday message. Planning. If you're down, if you're depressed, if you're not feeling good, maybe just devise a new plan. Work on your plan. And I can see that as an action step, even if you don't go out and do anything, that just the idea of planning, and Darcell, thank you for that. Just the idea of planning something could open up new parts of the prefrontal cortex, for example, where you're thinking it could give the amygdala less work to do. So here on the sweet spot, we talk about science, soul, and success. And Darcell, you've just given us a roadmap here for Take Action Tuesday on so many levels. From done is better than perfect, all the way to if you are feeling pushed back, just plan. Thank you, Darcell. Now, tomorrow is not Wisdom on Wednesday. I know you do wisdom on Wednesdays, and I'm a big fan of the wisdom on Wednesdays. I look at it all the time. Tomorrow here on the Sweet Spot is Win It All Wednesday. And we're going to invite you back, Darcell, for more of your Wisdom on Wednesdays here on Win It All Wednesdays. That was a lot to say. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, my love. I'll see you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Thank you. I'll see you all tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

And I'm so glad you're doing the sweet spot. Thank you all. Have a good day.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Amen. Bye.